Top Ten Things to Say to End Your Political Campaign Before it Starts

10- "Politics is different here than it is anywhere else."
9- "I promise I will start making my fundraising calls tomorrow."
8- "No one pays attention to political ads anymore."
7- "People hate opponent and really like me."
6- "I just feel like we don't need to raise a lot of money. We can do a grassroots campaign."
5- "My neighbor Bob will do all of the printing for free."
4- "She was uh, 14 not 12." (true story)
3- "My other neighbor Mary will 'do the website' for $100."
2- "The yard signs will make the difference."
1- "I promise I will start the door to door walking next weekend."

It's amazing how many times in my career I have heard these statements from candidates. It's like the phrase you hear when you travel a great deal, "you know what we always say in blank state- if you don't like the weather, just wait five minutes and it will change. Ha Ha Ha." And then blood comes out my eyes.